How to be/feel elegant?

[MyLadyDedlock]

Just curious about how others see "elegance" and how they apply it to their own lives. . .

How does one feel elegant if one is not the typical tall, willowy personage that always seems to come to mind when one conjurs an image of elegance? Did I mention lack of natural grace? Or clumsiness? Or maybe course manner of speaking?

Also this is random, and doesnt deserve a thread for itself but I am curious to know . . .. . Does anyone regularly drink their tea from actual china?? I have some of my great grandmother's, but I feel a bit silly using it - however, it just sits in the buffet, wasting time . . .

[Mme de Beaufort]

I equate elegance to class. And class, to me, is understated poise, kindness, treating people with dignity, and not in any way attempting to make anyone feel inferior. There's no show-offiness to class, there's simplicity in speech and movement, and even in appearance.

That's elegance to me.

Do I think I'm elegant? Not really. In appearance, I'm far from what one would equate to elegant, and in manners, I'm a merry, happy sort of soul, which is not elegant, but at least it's affable.

I drink tea out of china every time I brew my good stuff at home. The Stash Sandman teabags, I use my cute chintz china mug. But for the good tea, I make a ceremony of it. Steep my leaves in either one of my teapots, I have my chintz teacup and saucer that i use habitually, and I set it up on a tray to take it where I want to be. There's something calming about the whole thing.

I have my new nice blue flower tea set that I use for guests (which I used only this past Saturday with my new friend Miss Stephanie R while we talked tea-parties (we have a CIA trained Pastry chef handling our next tea party.. how exciting!) and I also have a less coveted cheap-china set that I use the teapot, sugar pot and creamer from habitually (I hardly use the cups). I use my own cup and saucer. It's white with tiny chintz roses.

Blue set:


My chintz tea-cup and saucer:

[The Major]

My Dear Lady Dedlock,

This is really going to sound corny, but I see elegance when I can see a person's inner splendor. Everyone has it, many people are for some reason shy or embarrassed by it so they cover it up. Simply let the Regency lady in you come out. But beware, do not over act it or it will come across and shallow or artificial.

Clumsiness? Nonsense. It's simply a matter of knowing and staying within your current limitations while in public, and working to improve the things you want to in private. I am not the most graceful of dancers, but staying within what I know I can do and not embarrass myself I can have fun and a majority of people think I can dance better than I do. Then I work on the things at home that gave me trouble so the next time I am able to. Do not try to work on too many things at once or you won't make nearly as much progress (noticeable progress) and you run the risk of getting frustrated.

Yes, my dear, I nearly always drink my tea from actual china. Call me a tea snob (some do) but I do not like my tea to taste like the plastic or metal of a travel mug. Nor do I wish to drink from a vessel or a quantity that is larger than my head! I have a small eclectic collection of porcelain and china tea cups and saucers, acquired from antique shops, thrift stores, and even modern department stores. Some pretty, some plain. They do not introduce any unwanted flavor in the tea, and a pretty teacup can always make me feel better after a hard day, or simply help set a mood that I prefer. One might say that it helps me to feel elegant. And that's part of it, you must feel elegant to let that inner elegance out. And I too have some of my ancestor's china. There is nothing quite like sharing a cup of tea from a most beautiful teacup with my Great Grandmother. After all, I knew her when I was a child and still remember her every time we share a cup of tea from her china.

[The Major]

Allow me to echo everything Allseeing speaks of elegance.

I will say that I prepare my tea only slightly different than Allseeing. I usually steep the tea in the tea kettle, then pour it through a silver teapot strainer into a tea pot (when I have guests, or feel like treating myself), or I also have a silver teacup strainer. I have but several teapots, again, some pretty, some plain. It depends on who the guests are (VIPs get Great Grandmother's teapot with teacups), what mood I wish to convey on myself, or if I am in the field on campaign. But then we're starting to turn the subject of this thread into tea instead of the requested elegance.

[Mme de Beaufort]

I steep my tea in a little wire mesh ball (I have no elegant silver strainers...)

[The Major]

Watch the thrift shops, you will be surprised that you might find a very nice teacup or teapot strainer for very reasonable cost. If you find a silverplate piece with some missing silverplate, you can get it replated for a lot less than a solid sterling strainer. My everyday strainers are silverplate. A mesh ball / infuser works very well, I like mine as well.

[Val]

I haven't had a chance to think this thru so I can respond, but since you're all mentioning teacups, I'd thought I'd share this news with you. I'd been hearing about the china potteries in England closing down. Royal Albert/Doulton is already producing in Thailand, so the chnia no longer says made in England.
This news came from Replacements.com:
<<you have probably seen in the news that there has been recent turmoil in the tableware industry, with many famous brands filing in bankruptcy or operating in insolvency, including divisions of Waterford Wedgwood, Johnson Brothers,
Franciscan, Royal Doulton, Royal Albert, Rosenthal, Hutschenreuther, Tirschenreuth, Lenox, Dansk, Gorham Stainless, Royal Worcester, and Spode. You may have also heard that Lenox is closing a select number of their outlets, Oneida the
majority of theirs, and Fitz & Floyd and Pfaltzgraff all of theirs.
************
So if you're thinking about buying more of your china, or more teacups, better start looking now. Look for ones in thrift shops especially, and check that they say Made in England. These will be the new collectibles.
Val -a teacup snob

[MyLadyDedlock]

Wow! I am very surprised that there are so many people who love tea and tea sets! I figured it would not spark so much conversation, but am very glad it did. Allseeing, those are such lovely pieces! Thanks for sharing them - tea sets make me happy . . . I have never thought of straining the steeped looseleaf through a mesh afterwards, but that would totally work - thats a reason I havent used much looseleaf, due to my straining difficulties, or maybe lack of imagination. . . I will have to try it indeed! The thought that a cup is as big as one's head is funny - but these monstrosities do exist, and I am guilty of owning a few - Im a sucker for cityscape mugs. :-) It is wonderful to know that there are gentlemen who don't view this tea stuff as just for the ladies - that is refreshing, and I thank you, major, for sharing. I liked the point you made about taking tea inspiring elegance itself, or vice versa - it ties together very well, and maybe part of my feeling silly for using tea-ware has to do with general feelings of in-elegance - very interesting thought indeed!
As for the actual tea-ware - has anyone had experience ordering from a catalogue, and if so, which did you use?
Thanks, Val, for the heads up - its sad - i always associate tea-time with England . .

[The Major]

My Dear Lady Dedlock,

I do not have much experience with ordering tea ware from a catalogue. For me the hunt is fun and gives me much more satisfaction when using the pieces and remembering where they came from. Of course if you are looking for a matched set, a catalogue is probably a very good way to shop and purchase.

Of course, some of those places are very forgettable. Other places can bring back fond memories like a teacup and saucer I found at a merchant at Mississinewa one year that makes me remember the entire event with the battles and especially the Ball.

Like I said, my collection is small (and hopefully won't get too large) and eclectic. Other than my Great Grandmother's china set which includes a tea service, I have a Blue Willow china set I keep at the fort which also has a tea service, otherwise all the rest of my teacups are not matching, nor do my teapots. However, when I have the opportunity to set a service for a few people it is quite colorful, pretty, fun, and can take on an elegance all its own. Not to mention it being a slightly different look and experience each time.

Have fun with your tea ware shopping

[Val]

Jan 16, 2009 16:29:04 GMT -5 MyLadyDedlock said:

As for the actual tea-ware - has anyone had experience ordering from a catalogue, and if so, which did you use?
Thanks, Val, for the heads up - its sad - i always associate tea-time with England . .

I've never ordered any of my teaware from a catalog, other than the items I purchased wholesale for my tea catering business. My own collection is from antique shops, thrift stores, and ebay, especially ebay. When I've traveled to Victoria, Canada, I've found some beautiful ones there. None of my pieces match. They're all pink florals and pastels. My favorites are Royal Albert and Colclough.

[cosmoblue]

Jan 15, 2009 3:20:07 GMT -5 MyLadyDedlock said:

Just curious about how others see "elegance" and how they apply it to their own lives. . .

How does one feel elegant if one is not the typical tall, willowy personage that always seems to come to mind when one conjurs an image of elegance? Did I mention lack of natural grace? Or clumsiness? Or maybe course manner of speaking?

I think that elegance is a matter of taste. A truly elegant person does everything in perfect taste. Nothing is overdone or flashy or conspicuous. Nothing is underdone either. I don't think a persons physical form has anything to do with actual social elegance though. Physical elegance on the other hand is all a matter of balance and proportion and symmetry. Physical elegance helps with social elegance but if a person is not tasteful they aren't really elegant. I think that there are different standards of taste depending on the situation. I also think that elegant people are not elegant every moment of their life unless they are naturally unnaturally calm. I think that a person can get really angry and yell at someone and still be considered elegant assuming that they regain their composure.

I think that Steph's definition of elegance is more like my definition of class which is entirely independent of elegance though it is most pleasant to find it is combination with it.

This is of course only a fashion designers opinion.

[Mme de Beaufort]

The problem with taste is that it's entirely personal, and that what one might think good taste someone might believe garish and ugly. OR, someone might surround themselves in tasteful things and still be as inelegant as anything.

Taste is too transient a quality to be the defining quality of elegance. Elegance is also posessed by things and people that have nothing to do with taste. An elegant shape, an elegant, graceful creature... that has absolutely nothing to do with taste. It's akin closer to dignity and poise.

Elegance to me is far beyond what someone encapsulates oneself in. It is how it carries itself.

[cosmoblue]

Jan 18, 2009 14:42:20 GMT -5 Mme de Beaufort said:

The problem with taste is that it's entirely personal, and that what one might think good taste someone might believe garish and ugly. OR, someone might surround themselves in tasteful things and still be as inelegant as anything.

Taste is too transient a quality to be the defining quality of elegance. Elegance is also posessed by things and people that have nothing to do with taste. An elegant shape, an elegant, graceful creature... that has absolutely nothing to do with taste. It's akin closer to dignity and poise.

Elegance to me is far beyond what someone encapsulates oneself in. It is how it carries itself.

I did say that what is elegant in one situation is not always elegant in another (and I don't think any thing in the universe is objective). Taste is usually ruled by the consensus of the group and there will always be black sheep who do not agree with the group.

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/elegance
Main Entry:
el·e·gance Listen to the pronunciation of elegance
Pronunciation:
\ˈe-li-gən(t)s\
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1510

1 a: refined grace or dignified propriety : urbanity b: tasteful richness of design or ornamentation <the sumptuous elegance of the furnishings> c: dignified gracefulness or restrained beauty of style : polish <the essay is marked by lucidity, wit, and elegance> d: scientific precision, neatness, and simplicity <the elegance of a mathematical proof>2: something that is elegant

The definition above is all subjective. And it seems like all of the thoughts given in this thread are equally right. If I am in a room with Steph and Val, Steph might think I am elegant while Val may not. Who's to say who is right? Whether you think elegance, class, poise, taste, sophistication, and grace are all linked or not you have to judge if the person in question has them. Everyone is going to judge differently.

(I am kinda hooked on Quantum Physics and the whole idea that there is no universe without the mind at the moment)

[lauren]

Hello All,

Okay, I've been shamefully lacking in the posting department. Conferences, out of town stuff, and holidays. Anywhoo..... I think elegence is something that is naturally exuded. However, I think one can learn a certain degree of elegance. it's something that has to be carefully displayed. I think it came come across as "trying too hard." But how to learn it, I have no idea. Maybe finishing school? I do know one thing, a corset and a pretty dress seems to always make me feel elegant.

[Mme de Beaufort]

I *have* been in a room with you, and I *have* determined you to be very elegant indeed. Especially in your regency attire... however even in your blue jacket you do posess some elegant qualities as well. You are a very graceful lady, Cosmo.

[Goblin, esq.]

Jan 15, 2009 3:20:07 GMT -5 MyLadyDedlock said:

Just curious about how others see "elegance" and how they apply it to their own lives. . .

How does one feel elegant if one is not the typical tall, willowy personage that always seems to come to mind when one conjurs an image of elegance? Did I mention lack of natural grace? Or clumsiness? Or maybe course manner of speaking?

Also this is random, and doesnt deserve a thread for itself but I am curious to know . . .. . Does anyone regularly drink their tea from actual china?? I have some of my great grandmother's, but I feel a bit silly using it - however, it just sits in the buffet, wasting time . . .

I don't know how to be elegant, and I don't try to be elegant. I do strive to be polite, attentive, and to carry my end of any conversation I happen to be involved with. If I'm dressed in my Regency attire, I tend to be more formal in my behavior, and the details of politeness may differ, but otherwise I try to behave the same way in the rest of my life. If this comes across as elegance, I have no idea.

As for tea, I am also a tea drinker (I picked up the habit from my mother, who learned it from her mother, who was born in Scotland). At home we generally drink it out of ceramic mugs, although it is prepared properly, steeping the tea in a teapot, &c. We have a nice china tea set from www.teawithgrace.com/store/home.php which is used when we have visitors other than the neighbors, and there are china cups and saucers with our wedding(1) china that get used when we have serve more formal dinners. We also own a large collection (probably over 20 sets) of vaguely matching teacups and saucers (thrift shop purchases) that get used for large tea parties at costume events and such.

(1) Our wedding china was bought by us several years after we got married, and we decided that we wanted a Royal Doulton service several years before we were married. Nevertheless, it is our wedding china.

[MyLadyDedlock]

Oooh, this is a great site - just what Ive been looking for - thanks, Goblin!

I think just as we are our own worst critic, we should be our own greatest cheerleader as well. . . when it comes to how we view ourselves and how others view us, etc.

And I am sure I have heard a great deal about your elegance, Cosmo!

[LadyJane]

Since we are talking about tea sets, I have a question about a set of mine that I got for Christmas. I have pictures of it on my blog here... phillipians314.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-tea-set.html
I couldn't get a good picture of the bottom, but I wrote out everything that it said. Does anyone know anything about it? I have searched online but have found nothing more that other people that have the same set and are looking to find out more about it. Any insight would be appreciated.
I do like to use china on a daily basis, but as my tea pot is a 5 or 6 cup and I am the only one drinking the tea (my family doesn't like it), it seems rather wasteful to use it. So I steep mine in a ceramic mug... how un-elegant

[Val]

I'm only familiar with English bone china so can't help you there. But you have a beautiful set. The floral pattern is exactly like one that's used on a couple English patterns, but the blue really sets it off. Enjoy it no matter what you find.

[LadyJane]

Please pardon my impertinant ignorance in asking what the difference between English bone china and other types of china is?